So you do realize everybody’s got em right?

In the world we live in, from the beginning of time, insecurities existed. We may not have necessarily been able to quantify or explain them, with language developing through the years, but do you honestly think our caveman ancestors weren’t stressed out? Not knowing when their next meals are? Which predator is out to get them? What the fuck was that noise they heard?! Survival of the fittest. Survival of the most paranoid.

And through an incredibly short amount of time, our lifestyles have changed drastically. We don’t even need to go back a few thousand years, just think back on how different the world looked only 100 years ago, how the (north)American life has changed. Bras were invented, ecstasy (mdma) was developed and Ford started mass production. Yeah. Just a short 100 years ago. Go back another 100 years and you’ll realize just how much our world has exponentially changed. For better or worse.

Through these changes, so has the state of our mental health. People didn’t have caffeine addictions. Or eating disorders. Or jealousy. Well maybe they did, I mean they did refer to it many times in the bible. Thou shall not covet thy neighbour’s wife or something along those lines?…but if the material goods have exponentially grown, is it safe to assume that so have our compulsions and disorders?

Notice I used the words ‘Material Goods’ after Wife. Because that’s essentially how a spouse was looked at in those bible writing days.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.

— Exodus 20:17 (KJV)

The message was simple. Don’t desire or be jealous of what belongs to your neighbour. And yes, a man’s wife is his property. Don’t quote me on this…I’m only stating how the world has developed into what it has today. This might be a whole other blog post at some point…

Fast forward to 2013. 2000 years of technological advancement. 2000 years of the development of compulsions and shortcomings. 2000 years of looking at our neighbours’ wives, lawns, ox, and manservants and holding back this feeling of inequity. Suddenly, in less than a hundred years, we throw in new Luxury cars, multi-million dollar homes, new iPhones every year, new clothing styles, all new everything.

We keep trying to freshen ourselves up. To keep up with the times. To keep up with our neighbours.

And there’s much to be said about that last sentence. Competition has bred some of the most amazing technological discoveries, such as the moon landing, all the way up to this extremely light device that I’m currently holding in my hands, typing my thoughts for the entire world to read.

But it has also fast-tracked us down the path of prescription pills to ease the overloaded, overpopulated minds of our world. Anxiety and depression. Burnouts for those dedicating their lives to something they don’t believe in anymore. For the sake of ‘bettering’ their lives. Filling the void their insecurities have created. A better car, a bigger house, a sexier partner, newer clothes and the latest trends. A more interesting life. Tae Bo in the late 90’s, and crossfit in the early 10s’. Magazines have taught our women to stop eating but to toughen up, and taught our men to lose confidence in themselves and grow weaker. While sporting the newest Armani suit. Our idiosyncrasies have turned into idiocy.

We focus on objects or people (or objectifying people) in order to regain confidence, to give our lives meaning, interest. We take 1 or 2 week all-inclusive trips to places where they barely eat enough calories for the day, while we complain of the lack of selection on the menu. Come back a week later, complaining about the neediness of the hotel staff. People look at each other with judgemental eyes and an air of mistrust, for they could at any moment snatch what’s yours.

The reality is, nothing is yours. Nothing. Not this body, not this house. Not this bed, not this phone, not even your time. These are all borrowed. Some poor kid probably made my shoes. In my opinion, that kid is entitled to my shoes more than I am, why..cuz I worked a few hours to buy them? He worked a few hours to make them, probably barefoot. Honestly, he deserves it more than I do.

Overconsumption of material goods…women included…has given me an incredibly fragile platform to stand on. Yeah. I’m insecure. Yeah I’m constantly wondering what I have to offer, to give, to do. I’m constantly requestioning some of my decisions, whether they be emotional, financial, or egotistical. I’ve fucked up. Many times. Thinking I was doing the right thing, at the right time when it was all wrong. Short bursts of satisfaction had me thinking I was succeeding when in reality, I lost focus.

If the foundation is cracked, it is bound to leak. If the foundation isn’t levelled, you are bound to topple over. If the right material hasn’t been used, you are bound to sink.

One of the people I look up to, my friend and my guest on episode 2 of Apartment 6, big brother Microskillz gave me a shout out on twitter after my 3rd Journal, saying that I was on a ‘Path of Higher (Re)Definition’. That stuck with me. Because I’m working really hard at trying to get over my insecurities, this mix of innate and acquired thoughts from childhood all the way to today. I’m working hard at innerstanding what my purpose is, while trying to not over think it. Overthinking can and will lead to mental exhaustion, loss of focus, attention, desire or passion. Overthinking will lead to the growth of insecurities, of uncertainties, of fear of failure or shortcomings. Of not being good enough. Overthinking can and will lead to prescription pills.

You are as good as your intentions, Navid (or insert your name here). You cannot and will not change your life, your thoughts, your situation and your present overnight. See what I did there? You cannot change your present overnight. But you can help shape your future. The future of the ones who believe in you, and who you believe in.

Find value in your being, your soul. Not your material black holes. Not your affectionate needs or desires. Be at peace with yourself, and allow the waves of borrowed time to bring you up to shore. Close your mind every once in a while, learn to meditate.

Learn to let go.


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